SpaceWhales

There is nothing better than writing at three A.M. in the morning, right? So, I suddenly discovered GIMP, and thought, "You know? We might end up in a lovely relationship." Here's to hoping--I'm needing the love, seeing as Doctor is still at black heart (Harvest Moon). All I have are me and my turnips. And Carter, but he's not even a bachelor. Dangit.

Merry merry merry merry Christmas!

Hey, I found the ultimate non-offensive wording for the Christmas holiday!

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Merry Ramanukkwanzas, and a happy Chinese Yule year! (Eh... Happy holidays to all you agnostic/atheists)

It's the combination of Ramadan (Islam), Hanukkah (Judaism), Kwanza (African-American--not a religion), Christmas (Christian), Chinese New Year (Chinese--possible religion? JK), Yule (Neo/paganism), New Year (worldwide). And then you have the Happy Holidays for the atheists/agnostics.

I hate to get all political (I try to avoid it as much as possible--there are people who don't listen to reason, there are the sensitives, there are the filters... it's just not worth it. -_-), but I really think it's unreasonable to get offended when someone wishes you a genuine Merry Christmas. I can't speak for everyone else, but when I say Merry Christmas, I mean it. When people say something like "Happy Hanukkah," or "Have a good Kwanza (holiday)," I'm flattered. These people, although we have different customs, have just gone out of their way to wish me a good day. In fact, I think it's awesome that people can support their religion, whatever it is, enough to want to share it with other people.

To me, Christmas really is the holiday of giving, when we can reflect on ourselves and how lucky we are to be born, to have a family, a home, friends, a hot meal, and just to have the joy of being alive. How many people have that?

So I hope you have a merry Christmas (even though I'm a little late to say it) whether you're Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddist, Daoist, Shinto, Neopaganist, atheist, Zoroastrianist, agnostic, Protestant, Lutheran, Baptist, or whatever. This is a beautiful time of year, and I hope you have the time of your lives, whoever you are.

Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year.

Have you ever had those years where you think, "Hey, I'm choking on my spit a lot more than usual." Yep, that's me right now. For some reason, almost every time I swallow, I manage to choke on my own saliva. Now if this was normal, I wouldn't be too worried about it, but I'm also at a very paranoid stage in life. This causes me to shut all my doors, turn on lights before I enter the room, and worry that I'm suffering some rare and unknown disease. -_-|||

I was really depressed about it, but then I thought, "Y'know what? At least I'm only choking on my own spit!" and immediately felt better about it. What if it was somebody else's spit? That would be twice as bad: I would not only be coughing up someone else's saliva, but I would have done something to have someone else's spit going down my throat. Which... at this day and age, I think, is socially immoral.

Back to what I was saying: I felt so good about myself for looking on the bright side, that I couldn't help but think everyone should be like me. Yup I am the perfect role model.

... I'd like you all to know that your non-laughing faces are brightening my day to an incredible amount. And yes, that is sarcasm you're hearing. Through your eyes, because unfortunately, ears can't read.

I'm sorry. My wit is diminishing. I wish I had more of it to make you guys feel like you accomplished something by reading this.

But on the bright side, you have two more minutes of your life to do something... relatively productive... I guess.

As a last note: The air is free. Take it in, take it in.

... I may as well write this. Once again, I don't really plan on any of you guys reading my crud, but feel free to. It makes me feel special. *thumbs up*

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived me. Or I. Or myself. Back to what I was saying. Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a person named Space Whales who owned a closet that was filled with bishies. Why she chose a closet to store them in, we'll never know.

Anywho, Space Whales was often plagued by the land of Can't-Take-a-Joke who usually tried to maul her upon contact. Of course, the space whales were on her side, and thus she prevailed each time.

One day, the whole kingdom of Can't-Take-a-Joke sat outside of her window and screamed in, "WHY THE (censored for the purpose of keeping this thing G-rated) DO YOU HAVE SO MANY IN YOUR CLOSET YOU (once again censored for the purpose of... whatever)!!!!11!11!!!!1!"

Momentarily paralyzed by their horrible vocabulary and use of exclamation points/1's, it took a moment before she could answer.

"Because I don't really like any of them. The purpose of the closet is to make you guys laugh."

They were silent for a whole five seconds before they started firing questions at her. Most of them censored bec--ah, whatever. You know why.

"Well, I mean, who could really stand to live with anyone in the Closet?" Space asked, rolling her eyes. "I mean, think about it:

"Superheroes, although they take up a large portion, would never truly be someone I could fall in love with. Too self-centered. They hide their identity and are like, 'I could never tell so-and-so my true identity because they're too weak and stupid to be able to protect themselves from a villian that only I can defeat. Only I can defeat them because I am all-powerful and much stronger than so-and-so.' I call it the Superhero Complex.

"Even book characters suffer from this. They always play the blame game then point the finger at themselves. 'Oh if only I hadn't blah-blah-blah, none of this would have happened.' Uh, yeah, it would have. Get over yourself.

"And everyone else in there has some sort of issue. I would never be able to tell whether or not Micchi was lying to me, I would never let Sebastian be in the same room as me, Munakata would always be trying to kill me, and let's face it: I would personally strangle Abee before the day was out.

"Once again, I keep the closet for YOUR SAKE. I know a lot of you guys read my stuff on Fanfiction. And I know for a fact that you guys laughed at least once at Nevva's kleptomania. I am not a kleptomaniac, but it makes you laugh to picture me as one. Because I like to make people smile, I do stuff like that. Same concept with the Closet."

Finally getting the point, a large portion of the kingdom departed. As for the rest, Space Whales pelted them with rock confetti until they left or fell at the door step. Now happy, Space Whales turned to her writing.
*****

Believe it or not, that was actually supposed to be about why I would really never marry a superhero... Oh well...

You should read my stuff on Fanfiction.net. My pen name is *drumroll* Space Whales. No underscore, just Space Whales.

Oh dear, am I getting senile? Ohohohoho...

... The sad thing is... I don't even remember the punchline for that... *twiddles thumbs*

Well, I really don't expect anyone to read this, so I'm going to fill it with my deepest thoughts and secrets, like... like... um... -_-|||

Oh dear, am I getting senile? Ohohohoho...

Wait... didn't I say that already?

Well, what can I tell you about my life? Well, right now, I'm practically nocturnal. Actually, I just hate sleeping because it's so hard for me to wake up. *irritated* It's like resisting chocolate. It's a basic necessity. You lose every time and then sit back and think "I'll do better next time." Five minutes later, you're stuffing yourself with chocolate again wondering where you went wrong.

(Then the voices in your head tell you that it'll take longer than one night to tell the whole story. By this time you just give up and tell them to jump off a cliff.)
*****

Have you ever wondered about the evolution of the plastic desk? Well, I think it went something like this:

First of all, since we had to start somewhere, we drew in the dirt. That didn't end up too well, so we went to cave walls. After the walls,  we drew on rocks. That failed because all our writing looked like a smooshed and smeared bug. Since we were sticklers for handwriting, even back then, we switched to wood. Finally, wood evolved, the global warming people of the 1500's were like: YOU'LL F***N DIE IF YOU USE THAT STUFF!! Of course, since everyone was sick of them screaming, we switched to glass, and when that didn't make them happy, we changed to plastic.

That is my history lesson of the day. Thank you for tuning in at 1:15 A.M. and I hope to see you again soon.

Have fun, eat well, and don't skewer snails. They're easier to set on fire.

And no, I'm not inhumane. Take off the "e." There we go.